Has anyone ever asked you a question that knocked you back, and you thought, maybe even said, "What a great question."?
Do you remember who asked it?
Why did it impact you that way?
Did you know a question impacts our cognitive processes differently than information does?
We need information of course: we need to know things, and we need to know how to do things.
And, it's questions that move us forward. What is that? Can I do that? Can I do it differently? Can I do it better?
We call that drive to interrogate our world, curiosity, and, in a different form, wonder.
When we ask a question, of ourselves or another, we interrupt our knowing and trip the switch to what could I know. It's necessary to get from where we are, to where we are not.
Here's a statement: "You're wrong."
Here's a question: "What's wrong with you?"
Here's another: "How could you?"
And another: "What were you thinking?"
All four put us on the defensive. The first one, the statement, however, can bounce right off: "No. I'm not."
A question, by contrast, forces thinking:
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"Why did I think that was okay?"
"What was I thinking?"
If it had been asked aggressively, it still could shut down my thinking, but it's a start. Surprisingly often, I've found even a hostile question connecting with me. "Ouch, I hate to admit it, but I hadn't thought about it that way."
While even ordinary questions promote thought and point us to what could be, what if we asked more great questions? My colleague, David Allen, encourages us to ask, "What does success look like?" when we set off on an endeavor.
In this season of connecting and reconnecting -- engaging loved ones, engaging strangers, engaging those familiar and annoying: what does success look like?
For me, it's asking great questions.
Great questions open people up. They make space for vulnerability and intimacy. It's not anything I can prepare ahead or rehearse. I want to be fully present with the person in front of me, and wonder, what is this person's story? What do they care most about? What could I ask that would open up a meaningful connection for us in this time we're together? What do they know that I don't know? What do they wish others knew about them?
What's the success? Baby steps toward peace on Earth; goodwill to all.
Warmly,
Francis Sopper